Now that we’re getting to the end of finals week, we all are inevitably filled with anxiety, because this last test or two are the ones that you put off studying for. Here are a few hints about what to do when you’re staring at your blue book with complete and utter dread*.
In a class with ‘Women’ in the title?
Take a clue from Parks and Rec. If you don’t know what someone did, just cry a bit on your test and write how she changed your life. Bonus points if you can find some way to loosely connect it to that discussion that you went to in Crozier once maybe (okay—but you did read the allstu they sent out).
Never did your psych reading?
It was dopamine. I don’t care what it’s about—just write about dopamine and there’s a 45% chance that you’re right.
Having troubles with the quadratic formula?
Don’t know what you’re doing? That’s totally fine! Just stand up abruptly in the middle of your class, inform the class that through this equation, you’ve solved the Zodiac murders, then say, for the good of the country, you must be going and that an A would really help your credibility with the cops.
Need a dead white guy to write about?
William Howard Taft. I am not kidding you. Not only did he actually have a very interesting life and was an Ohio native but he was also one of the most influential (but ignored) American politicians from the early 20th century. Plus, your professor probably doesn’t know that much about him, which gives you a slight advantage.
*Do not take these hints. Except for maybe the Taft one.