It’s Way Too Effing Late To Be Applying For Jobs But I Am So It’s Okay (A Guide To Last-Minute Job Applications)

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So I’ve been having a lot of nightmares in which all my teeth fall out. It’s very upsetting. According to the Internet, the root of these dreams tends to be a sense of powerlessness, which totally makes sense since I’m graduating in 2 weeks with no job.

Here’s the deal: the one, single, big, dumbo goal I had for this entire year was to get hired. Really and truly, all I’ve ever wanted was to walk across that stage and receive my diploma with some semblance of a future. And despite the implications of this post’s title, I have been making an effort. In addition to sending out a number of applications for jobs I can’t afford, I have:

  • Watched a lot of Girls 
  • Masochistically stalked all of my successful high school classmates’ LinkedIn accounts
  • Signed up for approximately 10 job notification services (Hey, just yesterday I got an email about a “Traffic Assistant/Receptionist” position! In New Hampshire!)
  • Upped my Tumblr/BuzzFeed/Pinterest usage (yes I’m a mom) to about 2 hours a day – excuse you, I’m enhancing my social media skills
  • Starting following a lot of non-profit organizations on Facebook because my biggest flaw is that I care too much
  • Conducted extensive research on the intracies of “Business Casual” attire
  • Extensively window-shopped online for said “Business Casual” attire (clogs count if they’re in a neutral, right?)
  • Cried. A lot.

The thing is, I actually have followed all the “This is how to get hired” tips. My LinkedIn is bangin’, the Career Development Office has seen my resume like three times, I have networked to the best of my ability (which isn’t saying much but whatever), and I followed all the Cover Letter 101 guides to a “T.” All I have to show for it is heightened anxiety and heartbreak. I feel betrayed. However, if there’s one thing that Kenyon has taught me, it’s that you can successfully complete anything at the last minute as long as you’re willing to give up a few days of sleep for it. And what else is Senior Week for if not to fulfill all your final hopes and dreams?

Right, guys? Amirite?

….right?

One response

  1. yes, it’s far too late to apply for jobs. if you don’t have one by the time you graduate then you’ll just have to be unemployed forever

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