Bone Up: DIY Hookup Kit


Hooking up is a lot like getting struck by lightning: you never know when it’s going to happen, and when it does, you usually wake up completely nude, drenched in sweat, and in a totally unfamiliar place. So why not be prepared the next time the opportunity strikes by compiling your very own on-the-go hookup kit?

Here are the 5 essential items that you should always have on hand before hitting the town on a night out.

DIY Hookup Kit

  1. Condoms – According to Tupac and every health teacher ever, you should always “pack a vest for your jimmy” if you’re not a fan of the whole “having babies” thing.
  2. Personal Lubricant – If the thought of having to make small talk as the cute guy/girl at the bookstore rings up your lube gives you conniptions, worry not! After watching Last Tango in Paris, I’ve learned that butter makes an excellent and inconspicuous substitute!
  3. Gum – Nobody likes pounder breath. Not even Larry Pabst. A quick stick of minty gum is the third best way to temporarily rid your mouth of halitosis, next to brushing your teeth and dating a dentist.
  4. Cab Money – Ever wake up to realize you spent the night with a Yetti? So have all of the girls I’ve slept with. Instead of having to nod impatiently while listening to me ramble on about proper eyebrow care, they should have come prepared with cab fare to hoof it out of there in a moment’s notice.
  5. Letter from Doctor Assuring You Don’t Have Any STI’s – It might be a good idea to get a new one of these every year– especially if it expired when you were 2 years old.

Sex is tricky. People have questions, and our grandmas can only give us so much advice before it puts a strain on the relationship. So post some in the comments and I’ll answer the best ones!

4 responses

  1. Tuba and I “hooked up” once and surprisingly enough, he did have all of said items on his person. Classy guy. Too bad he’s the opposite of hung! :o

  2. Water-based lubricant, not butter! The oil in butter can weaken the latex in condoms. No butter…unless (see earlier “fan of having babies thing”)

  3. Pingback: How to Order Drinks at the VI Like a Boss | The Thrill

  4. Pingback: Sh*t Sophomores Say | The Thrill

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