Kenyon Mythbusters: AVI Levels

Does not look like jail to me (via kenyon.edu).

Does not look like jail to me (via kenyon.edu).

Welcome to another thrilling edition of the Kenyon Mythbusters. In case you’re a first-year or have simply not been paying attention, the Kenyon Mythbusters take the rumors we’ve heard around campus and see whether or not they’re legit.

  • Today’s Myth: AVI has levels of service from 1-5. 1 being prison food, 5 being gourmet and Kenyon ranking at 2.
  • Status: BUSTED

Deborah Savage, District Manager of AVI Fresh, told us that AVI doesn’t have these so-called levels. Savage told me that, “we do have different styles of service, depending on the needs of our clients.” AVI has different divisions for snack bars, concessions or hospital cafés, just to name a few of their many options. Also Bob Evans Express, which I really think could get a good business in Peirce Pub. But there’s no numerical grade or rank. Technically, Kenyon isn’t even run by AVI, but AVI Fresh, which specializes only in educational services and focuses on bringing fresh, local food. So… No overlap with the penal system.

So maybe AVI doesn’t serve you medium rare steak on a silver platter like you’re used to at home, or even dinosaur chicken nuggets, but that doesn’t mean we’re getting jail food. In fact, some would say that the quality of food that we’re getting beats most other colleges. Besides, do you really think that they’d allow a panini press in a jail? Think of the implications of that for a minute.

19 responses

  1. This is a total load of bullshit. AVI makes prison food, AVI Fresh makes food for colleges. Where do they get their recipes? Their ingredients? The same place. Not all of us have silver plates at home, so leave your goddamn pretension at door when you’re addressing the entire school. Furthermore, Kenyon has a C- rank on most college rating sites. Below average may be better than many schools, but for what we’re paying we should eat like nobility.

    • Hey “Eviscerator” (compensating for something with that label?), you are entitled to your own opinions, but not your own facts. You throw around a bunch of speculative nonsense to support a faulty premise. How do you know where AVI and/or AVI Fresh get their recipes and/or ingredients? You don’t. The suggestion that AVI serves the students at this school the equivalent of prison food is, well, baloney. And, while you protest (too much, methinks) that you don’t have silver platters at home, it is all too evident that your reaction (“we should eat like nobility”) reflects the pretentious mindset of a spoiled brat. A good, long look in the mirror might be in order before you decide to post again and prove conclusively the extent of your ignorance.

      • Eviscerator comes from the latin ‘viscera,’ meaning guts or innards. Being an eviscerator like myself means that I enjoy removing the innards. You are probably female and have not the slightest clue the pleasure of evisceration, so I’ll let that one slide. Am I a spoiled brat because I dislike the ‘fact’ we pay almost $57,000 in tuition, are forced to sign up for the meal plan (even though 43% of housing has adequate kitchens) and we receive pig fodder called food and we’re expected to love it? No, I must be a spoiled brat because I make up facts, for instance AVI and the AVI Fresh are under the same management. And while I never actually said we eat prison food (your astute detective skills fail you), I’d be happy with it, I’m sure it’s much better. and get a fuckin name

      • Wow, dude, so you get pleasure from gutting “things”? And the other person is the clueless one? You’re f’ing Jeffrey Dahmer, and that makes you an authority on masculinity and food service. Really? Kenyon Admissions clearly missed the boat with you big guy. Can’t wait for the FBI to drag you out for your perp walk. And, before you tell people to get a name – post under your own name instead of some fairy tale BS moniker that allows you to tell yourself you are tough. That way, the FBI can find you more quickly and we can rid the campus of your presence.

  2. Wait, wait. Do you mean AVI won’t be adding dinosaur chicken nuggets to the lunch menu anytime soon?! Really? All my hopes and dreams just came crashing to the ground. Next you will tell me they’ve ruled out serving pickled tongue sandwiches too!

  3. Hmmmm… replace Eviscerator/Eviscoratorrrrrr’s food with prison food for the rest of his/her tenure here, and use the cost differential to award an additional stipend to a professor selected by the students by popular vote?

  4. I think we had this rumor back when I was an undergrad (at a different school, when dinosaurs walked the earth). Of course, our food service was Sodexo, so it was probably true.

  5. I would just like to apologize for all the hilariously stupid comments I made above. My (obviously) microscopic genitals make me constantly irrationally angry enough to create the compulsion to overcompensate on internet threads. Both the incredibly dumb internet handle and my inaccurate but vehement statements stem from this deeply rooted psychological “disorder”. I pretend to love serial killers in an attempt to make myself look edgier and ~unique~ while unaware (most of the time, now is obviously a unique exception) that it just makes me look like an idiotic tryhard who could never really muster the strength of will to actually get off my computer, much less actually eviscerate someone.

    This was written in a brief moment of self aware lucidity between the bouts of drugs I abuse to overcome the fact that I’ve never had sex beyond the metaphoric circlejerk of academia and occasional masturbatory fantasies involving being tied down and calling someone daddy while they step on me in high heels.

  6. “You are probably female and have not the slightest clue the pleasure of evisceration, so I’ll let that one slide.”

    Can we just

    um

    what?

    First of all, there are such things as strap-ons, if that’s what he meant by the pleasure of evisceration

    Also I occasionally remove the guts from turkey, does that count or…?

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