Breaking(ish) News: There is Now a Pepsi Machine in Peirce

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Though we covered it briefly in our Monday Catch-Up, Peirce has made some major changes. For all you Pepsi lovers out there, your wildest dreams have now been answered. There is officially a Pepsi machine in Peirce. For all you Coca-Cola lovers, you now have to walk the extra mile from the salad bar in order to meet your beverage needs. You might feel this news update is rather controversial, so feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

16 responses

  1. It’s official! The corporate alien-robot hybrid powers have taken over! Bow down to the High-Fructose God and praise the Malevolent Deity of Capitalist Greed. We are their minions now, nothing but sick little piglets sucking at the teet of Mother Dollar. You might say the dollar is most definitely a male. But nay we suck like malnourished little sheep at Mother’s warm sugar syrup until we’re properly fat and weak – until our wills have been crushed! And the war begins in our stomachs! We ingest the god-given “manna” and soon enough we are robots like them. Praise! Praise! There is nothing for us now but the All-Powerful Pepsi and the Consort-Nymphs Brisk and Mountain Dew. All is love and beauty now, but wait until you are plump and slow in brain and body, and you will be sent to the slaughter! There is nothing! Nothing but to worship at their feet and drink in the gifts they give us. Praise! Praise my baby piggies! Praise! There is now fighting Mother Dollar! Praise!

  2. Don’t you see? Open your eyes to the truth! Open your eyes Children! The Overlords have kept you blind for so long! But you can see the truth! Just open your eyes!

    We want Fanta! We want Root Beer! We want Ginger Ale! We want Wild Cherry Pepsi!

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