After a rather civilized indie band performance at the Farm, my friends and I (who are, for the record, not first years, even though we were out at 9:45. No really. We aren’t. Just ask) rolled up to Ye Olde Kenyone expecting a night of careless debauchery. After a kind sister doodled lines between my fingers in a vain attempt at Xs, we descended into Dante’s Inferno. The scene was a feast for the senses. The air smelled of sweat, beer and horny first years; the temperature was rising. Anonymous bodies, clothed in white and splattered with neon phallic hieroglyphs, packed onto the dance floor, fueled by a quintessentially collegiate soundtrack. For a moment, I lost myself, thinking I had walked into a state-school party (or what I imagine one would be like).

These are the most thought-provoking musical pieces I heard last night. Ranked in descending order, according to what I definitely remember hearing to what I thought I may have heard.

Disclaimer: Watch videos at your own risk (Mother!). NSFL.

Disclaimer #2: I am a certified Wikipedia philosopher. Please do not cite this article.

1. “Get Outta Your Mind” by Lil Jon and LMFAO

Choice verse: “Get crunk, I’d get the f*ck out the way, we get bananas like a room full of apes
I done lost it, you flossin’, im over here with my ni**as in the mosh pit
Throwing elbows, stomping shell toes, is that ni**a dead? Who the f*ck knows… Get outta your mind, get outta your mind (what), get outta your mind (what).”

This was absolutely, beyond the shadow of a doubt, playing when I walked in. It immediately set the tone for the evening. Lil Jon, a modern philospher in his own right, is undoubtably exploring the innate human inability to transcend the confines of our minds. He encourages us to “shake that sh*t” and “make it rain” in an effort to explore the mind-body connection. He mourns the finality of death, the unanswered question. Like an anthropology major, he makes slightly odd analogies to explain the natural state of man, our apish ancestors and the fragility of the human condition.

2. “Calle Oche” by Pitbull

At this point, needing air and personal space, I took my contemplations to the patio. As I waded through the sea of bodies to a quiet corner wall, I took in my surroundings. The scene was like an episode on the National Geographic Channel: fresh-faced first years in various states of undress practiced obscure mating rituals as they sucked at each other’s faces and rubbed their loins together in the clear light of moonlight. This song may or may not have been playing.

Choice verse: “Label flop but Pit won’t stop/Got her in the car, quit playin’ with his, como?/Watch him make a movie like Alfred Hitchcock, ha enjoy me… You know I want cha (Want cha)/I know you want me/You know I want cha (Want cha)(Ha, ha, ha).”

Pitbull does an artful job of describing the language barrier, effortlessly mixing Spanish and English in such a way that anyone can understand his message: that he, Pitbull, is very desirable. He’s probably been reading up on solipsism. Pitbull laughs manically at the absurdity of the world, recalling Darl laughing in Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying. His allusions to Alfred Hitchcock equate the two artists as equal contributors to American culture. Who would dare disagree?

3. “Ignition Remix” by R. Kelly

Choice verse: “So baby gimme that toot toot/Lemme give you that beep beep/Runnin her hands through my ‘fro/Bouncin on 24’s /While they say on the radio…”

R. Kelly effortlessly incorporates innuendo in his exploration of human sexuality. Like a Freudian psychoanalyst, Kelly presents a parent-child relationship in a sexual scenario. By using baby talk, he presents a dichotomy between the presumed youth of his partner and her sexual maturity. Perhaps Mr. Kelly could use some therapy himself? It seems that he needs to talk about his mother.

4. “The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel

Choice verse: “And in the naked light I saw/Ten thousand people, maybe more/People talking without speaking/People hearing without listening… And the people bowed and prayed /To the neon god they made.”

My faith in a supreme being* was restored when the kind men and women of Campus Safety rolled in around 12:30 to shut the show down. And, when the music abruptly cut off, I could have sworn I hear the sweet, sweet lullaby of Simon & Garfunkel in the background.

And I saw that it was good.

*JK, still agnostic.