Deconstructing Your P.O. Box Partner’s Personality

pobox

The Thrill is looking into P.O. boxes this week because let’s face it…they are, weirdly, super interesting. When I first got to Kenyon as a young first-year I was overwhelmed and excited by the prospect of having a P.O. box buddy. It’s like a roommate for your mail. I started to wonder about the identity of my P.O. partner. Who was he/she and why did he/she get so many copies of the Home and Garden catalog. If you are currently trying to figure out the personality of your P.O. box partner to see if you should become the best of friends or the worst of enemies, casually sneak a peek at the mail they get in order to construct a plausible personality*. Read on for a basic guide to deconstructing your P.O. box buddy’s identity.

  • One way to begin to understand and construct the personality of your P.O. box buddy is to look at their magazine subscriptions. What types of magazines are currently clogging your box? Do they constantly get Vineyard Vines? They are most likely a frat kid from the East Coast. New Yorkers? He/she is probably well-read, culturally aware, and a bit pretentious. Bon Appetit? They miss the elegant foods of their urban hometown and just love salivating over glossy images of food. Sports magazines? Your P.O. box partner is most likely an athlete or outdoorsy kid from a mountain village or the suburbs.
  • Another way to pin down the personality of your P.O. box partner is to check the amount of mail they get from their parents and relatives. Does your P.O. box buddy get a handwritten card on every holiday and minuscule occasion? Their parents are most likely super involved and love the holiday season, meaning that your mail mate most likely loves holidays too. Get ready to see them around in overly enthusiastic Christmas sweaters.
  • Does your P.O. box buddy constantly get slim packages from Modcloth or Urban Outfitters? They are clearly an online shopaholic who has a penchant for buying one item at a time. Maybe they have some guilt about their shopping habits and relieve their guilt by only making small purchases. That says a lot!
  • Lastly, do they simply never get mail? Don’t interpret lack of mail as lack of personality. That would be a rookie mistake, my friends. Lack of mail might mean that your P.O. box buddy has cut ties with their family, has no hobbies, and doesn’t online shop. Maybe they are the kind of person who prefers sitting alone in a field surrounded by corn, marveling at the universe. It might also mean they just prefer getting their packages delivered to the bookstore.

* The Thrill does not condone going through another person’s mail even if it is with the best intentions.

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