Hey y’all, Philander Chase here with the weekend’s gossip from the hill,
- Let’s get started with the juicy gossip from this past weekend. Spotted near the New Apts: not so pleased safety officers confronting a gaggle of shameless partiers. New Year’s is still months away, save those fireworks for your own house, Kenyon has had enough fires! Also, I don’t know about this one, but I think I heard about a game of “dirty Jenga,” please explain. New New Year’s tradition anyone? I think I’d like that better than poppers and parlor games.
- From the sounds of it some bros got pretty rowdy at Brozier this weekend, better not break anything next time, I know it was hot but control yourselves! I hate it when parties get broken up, so much less for me to do. Think of all those freshman who can’t get into the Cove. Tragic.
- The Red, White, and Brew party got off to a slow start. Sorry EDM, maybe if you ask nice Biden will come and liven things up, not like he has anything better to do.
- Just three days of classes this week kids, so get all your studying in now. Go on get in trouble, your parents aren’t coming ‘til next week.
In the meantime I’ll be out and about Kenyon College, and my eyes and ears are open. There’s a new gossip on the hill, and that’s me.
But it’s okay, because you know you love me…