So your parents aren’t coming this weekend. Looks like you’re about to get crafty. Whether it’s mooching a free meal from your home biscuit’s family or figuring out how to cope with your solitude, here are a few suggestions to get you through the weekend:
Pretend to be somebody else’s parents. Not the only unloved person you know? Pair up with a friend, locate your mom jeans, and play that system like a banjo! It’s not lying; it’s just being resourceful. Right?
Give a spicy introduction. Your friends’ parents won’t remember your name anyway. So don’t tell them it! Instead, take some direction from dating game shows and go with, “You can call me Sandy. I like long walks on the beach and Italian food.” Don’t forget to wink at the end—you’ll be on your way to a free dinner.
Drink. Take a shot every time you see a parent whose hair has yet to recover from the 1980s. Take another shot every time you see the leap/shriek/hug combination in Gambier. Take more shots every time you see a parent pimpin’ in head to toe purple pride. Then, kindly tell them that we’re not accepting applications for a mascot.
Get Creepy. Bored because all of your friends are with fam? That calls for a lets get weird kind of moment. Spend the day walking around campus asking people to help you find your child. That’s in bad taste? Ask them where your pants are instead.
Assume the position. No, not that one ya fool. You should be leaping for joy. No pare-nts, No care-nts.