10 o’clock list: Rejected American Studies Comps

Nic Cage, American Studies major, passed comps with flying colors. And an arrest.

Nic Cage, American Studies major, passed comps with flying colors. And an arrest.

I wish I were an American Studies major. Like, I have all these wonderful ideas for comps. Totally valid ideas. Completely legit. Ideas I could only do in the American Studies department. Right?

  1. Federalism in Bminor: An interactive reading of the Federalist Papers from the Old Kenyon Bell Tower while members of the Center for Rural Life, representing Thomas Jefferson, yell profanities below. The bell tolls with the number of the paper being read to keep people on track.
  2. American Fatties: An in-depth study of the music of Fats Waller and its influence on the American obesity epidemic.
  3. Homoerotic Tension in Dueling: Studying the patterns of sexual repression in 18th and 19th-century dueling, using the pistol (or if you’re Preston Brooks, a cane) as a phallic symbol. Special emphasis on the duel between Burr and Hamilton, presented as an an independent art film.
  4. Kluge’s Last Stand: An interpretive dance representing the Battle of Little Bighorn Performed on the KAC Hill with costumes reminiscent of Vietnam uniforms and starring P.F. Kluge as General George Custer.
  5. The American Dream: Set to the score of Aaron Copland’s Appalachian Spring on repeat, this hour-long spoken word poem tells the harrowing tale of White men and their struggle for identity in this society that always seems to be out to get them.
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21 responses

  1. Yes, American and her history has many flaws, but how sad that you, Claire, take such a grand swipe at her without knowing, appreciating, or understanding the history in depth. Perhaps you could consider giving up your citizenship to one of the many who would trade places with you in a hot second!

    • Hi. Honestly, I cannot stand the thought of there being someone in the world thinking that I do not like American History. I would love to take you out for coffee to discuss American History and my passion for it (especially William Howard Taft). I will be at Wiggin Street Coffee from 1-2 tomorrow and would love to treat you and have a chat.

    • What a completely ignorant and ridiculous comment. This list has nothing whatsoever to do “taking a swipe at” America. Read it again smart guy. Oh and anyone who knows Claire also knows there isn’t a person on this campus with a more in depth knowledge of American history or a greater love for America than her. Kindly take your head out of your behind and get a clue.

    • Accusing Claire Berman of not “knowing, appreciating, or understanding” american history. Funniest thing I’ve ever read.

  2. It is sad that some people are so busy looking for reasons to be angry and offended that they can’t see the humor and subtlety in a well written piece like this one. Anti-America? Really? Not a bit. How could someone so comprehension-challenged get admitted to a school like Kenyon? This is clearly one of the best and most entertaining Thrill articles I can remember reading.

  3. Oh my God this was hilarious! Claire you are awesome! I don’t think I’ve ever laughed out loud at a Thrill article before

  4. Pingback: D-Cat and Presidents Past | The Thrill

  5. Pingback: 10 o’clock list: 5 Things Not to Say to Seniors Working on Comps | The Thrill

  6. Pingback: 10 o’clock list: Rejected WKCO Shows | The Thrill

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