He may not have been the best president (actually he might have been one of the worst), but Rutherford B. Hayes, valedictorian of the class of 1842, was one damn fine looking man.
Now perhaps Hayes was not the best-looking man to have ever graduated from this hallowed institution, but he did what he could with that high collar and cumbersome tie. Those piercing eyes look ready to pounce at some old Kenyon party–it’s a shame that Kenyon didn’t go co-ed earlier. Now I don’t know about you, but I may be revising my ideas for next year’s Halloween costume…
Hayes might have been one in a continuing line of attractive Kenyon men but I don’t think he’d have fit in too well with today’s crop of students. As president he ended reconstruction, laid the groundwork for the Indian assimilationist Dawes Act, and supported the Gold Standard. But I’d say the biggest problem was his DRY WHITE HOUSE! Yup, you heard right. This Kenyon grad was a teetotaler, clearly Kenyon has changed (though it’s entirely possible that the only beer they had back then was actually worse than Keystone, so maybe he had his reasons).
Unfortunately (so I’ve been told) his senior year at Kenyon Hayes did Movember on a dare and he just decided to never shave. Too bad, maybe if he’d shaved he wouldn’t have had to cheat, it worked for this guy.
I was going to bombard you with venomous anger for another mention of goddamn Hayes on this goddamn blog. But you admitted he’s the worst – so good job!
Keep up the good work Nathaniel!
dont make fun of him, hes my friend
Pingback: D-Cat and Presidents Past | The Thrill