10 o’clock list: Fictional Characters Who Should Teach At Kenyon

Finish reading Kierkegaard, you must.

Last year I wrote an article listing some fictional characters who didn’t attend Kenyon, but should have. As you can see in the link, a commenter suggested doing the same, but with professors. I’m finally getting around to it, Anonymous, you dweller of the internet darkness. The professors at Kenyon are just as quirky as the students, and the following teachers from beloved works of literature, cinema, and television would fit right in at a staff meeting.

1. Yoda: As head of the philosophy department, Yoda would always leave his students with more questions than answers. He would always be willing to extend his office hours (which would take place in the Kokosing) to talk about the deep questions of life. An excellent professor he is.

2. Ms. Frizzle: AKA the coolest biology teacher ever. Kenyon is all about hands-on experience, and you can’t get much more hands-on than literally going inside someone’s body. The Frizz would also give some of the more eccentric Kenyon students a run for their money when it comes to fashion.

3. Remus Lupin: Lupin is the visiting professor who everyone wishes could just get tenure and stay, but unfortunately he has a medical condition that prevents him from doing so. He’s young enough to relate to the students, but is also old enough to be a father figure. He has some weird office hours, and he never teaches night seminars, but no one really seems to mind.

4. John Keating: Full of passion for literature, Professor Keating would be the darling of the Kenyon English department (thought the department is already incredible as is). His seminar on transcendental literature and poetry (with a focus on Walt Whitman) would be the most popular course in the entire college. He would constantly be jumping up on the table in Sunset Cottage to drive home the message of his lessons.

5. Indiana Jones: Yeah, he seems to cancel a lot of classes, and yeah, he always shows up with some new bruise or cut, but you could do much worse than having Dr. Jones as your archaeology professor. Though he’s actually not a very good archaeologist (the dude breaks everything), he would still have some great stories about a lot of the places in your textbook. Plus, he’s super dreamy.

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