“I’m about to ruin your day.”

If Thanksgiving break is entirely too far away, the weather is entirely  too cold, and you have entirely too much homework–we feel you. It’s the end of the semester. Your life was bound to deteriorate at some point. Here are some sure signs that you’re on the brink:

1. The most exciting part of this week was today’s date. 11/12/13. Well jumping Jesus on a pogo stick.  That’s a numeric progression. If you also made some sort of semi-orgasmic goat noise in the middle of class when you realized this, you should probably go get some more caffeine. Because this has happened every year. For ten years. Yeeeeeee-haw.

2. You feel personally violated when the Weather Channel is wrong. Triple dog daring the sky to open up on you because you’ve been carrying an umbrella around all day without a drop of rain in sight is probably a sure sign of personal decline. Probably.

3. You have trouble waking up for your 7:00 p.m. seminar. Unless you’ve declared a major in “possum“, being nocturnal isn’t exactly “posh”-um.

4. You’ve started to pre-game your homework. Y’all betta start sippin’ on reality because writing your English paper like a giant drunk text won’t make you the next Hemingway. But that’s ok–we’ll just call you Edgar Allen No.

5. You’re listening to Sarah McLachlan. Playing the soundtrack for your own funeral isn’t exactly a motivation booster. Turn on your game and stop being lame; try some uplifting music for a change.