How do pilgrims smile? They pill-grinn. Ha. If your life has also been reduced to puns, hold on to your sanity–your turkey dreams are just days away. Lucky for you, The Thrill is back in action and has located a fine specimen of a male that we think you’d like to use every morning. So sit back and rewax while we introduce our newest crush. Get ready–he’s easy on the eyes AND the ears.

Name: Justha Tip

Hometown: Your left earlobe

Lifespan: That depends if you like it dirty or not.

Class: 2015

Major: Synoptic major: Edgar Allan Poe’s works recreated in interpretive dance (I just love how eear-ie his writing is).

Relationship Status: Commitment isn’t really my jam.

What’s been your favorite class at Kenyon? Why?

Genetics. You know—because I like to unzip genes.

What’s your favorite movie?

Probably How to Tame Your Dragon (the X-rated version).

Describe your typical Friday night.

I mean, like, if you really want to know—lets just say I get in, I get dirty, and I get out.

If you could plan the perfect date in Gambier, what would it be?

Munching on Girl Scout Cookies in the KAC hot tub.

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a girl?

I put a little baby oil on…if you know what I mean.

If your life was made into a movie, who would be the lead actor. Why?

I mean the only person that would ever be suited to that role would have to be the combined child of Bruce Willis, Dustin Hoffman, and Johnny Depp. I think that would be the only way to capture the crazy, sexy, balder parts of my personality.

What would be your theme song?

Undoubtedly, Tiny Dancer by Elton John

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Un-biodegradably wallowing in a landfill off the coast of Madagascar.

What’s your favorite meal at Peirce?

Pigs in a blanket because that’s the way I like it.

New side or old side?

Um, how about no-side? I don’t identify with polarized stereotypes. Psh.

What’s the number one thing on your Kenyon bucket list?

Don’t you mean my Kenyon fuck-it list?