First years, I have good news for you! Once you get back from Thanksgiving break you will be considered full fledged Kenyon students. No more will I frown when I hear that my junior and senior friends have smooched you and no more will I grimace when I see you attempting to take beer out of my fridge at a party. You’ll soon be a well adjusted part of the Kenyon family (though it’ll take until after winter break for you to look the part. Can’t wait to see your new glasses!)
But also, first years, I have bad news for you. Over Thanksgiving break there is an 80% chance your relationship with your high school significant other will end.
This inevitable breakup is called the “turkey drop” and it happens to the best of us. Just take a look at this post I wrote about my sophomore year. While the turkey drop seems horrible, I promise you that it is for the best. The very best. First years in relationships, imagine this: Saturday nights with no frantic texting, Sunday mornings with no residence hall stairwell crying, Wednesday nights minus lengthy and accusatory video chats. You’ll be free to flaunt your newly acquired well-adjusted Kenyon student status! Make new friends! Kiss new faces!
I know, I know, love is serious and a longtime relationship is hard to give up, but I see you weeping outside of Gund Commons clutching your phone to your face and cannot wait for your heart to lighten after Thanksgiving.
For those of you who manage to make it through Thanksgiving, or even all of college, without separating from your high school love: congratulations! Please invite me to your wedding and also leave some comments about how you’ve managed to make it work. For the rest of you: be prepared! But I promise, it’ll be okay in the end.