Furniture not included

As you might have already learned from the allstu, the Career Development Office is holding a contest. The prize: a $300 Amazon Gift Card. That’s right: $300 to spend on anything you want from Amazon. Maybe your order will even be delivered to you by drone. $300 is a lot of money, and you wouldn’t want to waste it on anything stupid, so I’ve compiled this handy list of some awesome products you can buy on Amazon for $300.

1. An outdoor playhouse. Skip the housing lottery next year by taking your living arrangements into your own hands! Protip: don’t just park this crazy-cool crib in a permanent location. Skip the walk to class by camping out by the academic buildings! Going to a party on the other end of campus? Drop this baby outside and be warm in bed afterwards while your friends are walking home in the cold.
2. This picture of a cat. Brighten up your dorm room with this masterpiece, Untitled by Mark Hartman. Invite friends over to drink champagne and admire this work of fine-art for hours on end. Contemplate the fragility of man as this feline stares deep, deep into your soul.
3. A Dora the Explorer Jeep. Never be late to class again! You’ll be the envy of the entire student body when you cruise down middle path in this sweet ride. There’s no doubt you’ll pick up an chick (or dude) you want if you show up outside their dorm while blasting some tunes. Just make sure to watch out for the sheriff.
4. An alligator table. Every bedroom needs a bedside table! This smiling aluminum alligator will always be happy to hold your alarm clock and liven up your dorm. The alligator even has a bowtie, keeping the whole affair very classy.
5. A pet bunk bed. Invite all the Kenyon cats over for a stray kitty sleepover! You’ll be the most popular human on campus when the cats find out that they can come crash at your place.