I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but lately I’ve been tired all the damn time. Maybe it’s a side effect of being a college student. Systematic societal discontent does wear on you after a while. All I know for sure is that I’m not the only one feeling it. Finals are coming up, and in the meantime we’re still recovering from the gravy-lathered gluttony of the past week as we churn out those last few papers. As we keep on fighting the good fight, we have to come to terms with our undying relationship with naps.
But a problem arises when you’re on the other side of campus from your dorm and the tight grip of drowsiness squeezes out all of your motivation to move. Now comes the time to let loose and conk out in public. Having done this pretty much every day of my college career so far, I’ve discovered several ways to get the most out of your liberated nap experience.
First things first, invest in a Snuggie and take it everywhere with you. I’m 100% serious. Do it. It’s a relatively cheap holiday gift to ask for as well, so take advantage of that if you can. Let me tell you from firsthand experience, your blanket game has never been stronger until you slip on the sleeves of a welcoming Snuggie. I always have my cheetah print Snuggie tucked neatly in my backpack when I venture to the library, so I can go up to that kick-ass study room on 3rd floor with those ridiculously comfortable red chairs and catch a glimpse of heaven. If people are around and you don’t want to look like this, it also makes a fluffy pillow or something to cover your face and conceal your identity.
Now comes the meat of the matter: location and manner. Where can you nap, and how are you going to properly nap in these very public places? Let’s start with the basics.
If your study carrel just isn’t cutting it and you find yourself droopy-eyed, then turn your little booth of sadness into a palace of comfort. Forts make everything better, keep the extraneous sound out, and maintain a warm and toasty ambiance.
If the 3rd floor reading room in Ascension is your study spot, fight to the death for the couches. I’ve seen some crazy shit go down there, and I can tell you that you’ll definitely need to employ some strategy. Bring a friend to form a battalion to fight for the couch, and for some good ol’ platonic cuddling afterward. If you can’t get the couch, settle for those red armchairs you sink into.
Alas, if all else fails and you’re still in Ascension, go big.
It’s lunchtime and you are about to fall out of your chair. Don’t fret, new side Peirce is actually an optimal nap spot. Except for the immediately adjacent tables, no one will notice you in the crowd. Pull out your Snuggie/blankie and get comfy. It may look ridiculous, but don’t let anyone question you. You do you.
On a smaller scale, the trip from the common room of your dorm is pretty daunting after a super long study sesh. If you’re halfway down the hallway and you just can’t go any further. Grab your study buddy and get in pile formation for optimal comfort.
Well, the weather outside is frightful. But don’t let that stop you! D-Cat’s front lawn is always open, so take advantage of it. This is recommended for more veteran members of the public napping legion, at least until the weather gets more mild in the spring months.
Unconventionality is an option when you get to a certain level of experience. Spots like the post office or the bookstore take supreme skill to utilize, but it can be done. Notice the quality use of surroundings depicted on the bookstore table! Please only take it to this level if you are truly a public napping guru.*
*Read: Don’t try these unless you have no shame and can afford disciplinary action.