The Reverse Turkey Drop

12! That’s way too many!

Now that Thanksgiving break is officially over, Kenyon students have returned to the hill a little lighter. No, not in that sense. I mean emotionally lighter. As we broadcasted in the week before break, Thanksgiving break is the traditional time of the Turkey Drop, in which first years around the country return home for the first time to break up with their high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Their intentions are not malicious or cruel, there’s just someone really cute in their Intro Psych/Baby Drama class that they would like to meet under the mistletoe at one of the many formals this weekend. The Turkey Drop is a true signal of true matriculation into Kenyon life.

On the other hand, if you’re a senior, you may be contemplating the possibility of finding your next slam-piece in the dwindling pool of your high school classmates over winter break. I like to call this the Reverse Turkey Drop or the Jingle Bell Rock or the Holiday Hookup or something way cleverer than I just said. Maybe your sexpectations for the semester did not play out as you had hoped. Your sexpectations for college overall, may have fallen short. Maybe you should have gone like your high school friends to UWSICO, OSU, UVA where the dating pool is just much larger and obviously would have resulted with you having way more intimate escapades! But you cannot go back in time, so you pull out your high school yearbook and comb through your Newsfeed.

Essentially, the basic idea is instead of hiding out in your pajamas for three weeks while watching the Kardashians, try to organize an intimate event with your former classmates that puts you close to that one person that got much more attractive in the past four years (according to Facebook). Sure, their choice to go to the University of Phoenix, Honolulu campus did not seem super smart four years ago, but man, have they…. grown up–according to your mother.

The trick is to approach the situation delicately and with poise. Dropping a Facebook message saying, “Heyyyyy!!!! I saw your photo album from your latest rock climbing adventure! Looks like fun! TAKE ME WITH YOU NEXT TIME!” does not seem breezy. It sounds a little desperate.

Instead, attempt to lay the groundwork in the couple weeks before break. If they have a birthday, wish them a happy birthday and add something like “wow, long time no see!” Like something they post. “Accidentally” include them on an email chain to your friends that shows how funny you’ve gotten in the past four years and then apologize and ask how they’ve been. Just do something to subtly get the conversational juices flowing.

When actually home for break, try setting up a coffee date, a group hangout at a bar (you can drink now!), or randomly show up at their parent’s house under the guise of delivering holiday cookies from your mother to their parents. We’re all old friends, after all!

Once in contact, be sure to look your best. Your dazzling intellect and festive sweater can charm the pants off of anyone. If you play your cards right, you two could become much more than former locker buddies.

So this holiday season, maybe don’t turn your nose up at that invite to a New Years party with your old high school friends, you might find your former classmates are actually still pretty cool/hot.

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