“Not all that glitters is gold. Not all who wander are lost.” –Abe Lincoln (via seattlestravels.com)

Hey sophomores, I see that you’ve all missed Tuesday’s OCS Application meeting. No worries friends! I was there and am ready to coach you through the incredibly easy, thoughtless process of writing an Off-Campus Study application, question by question.

Question One: OCS Goals

• Make sure to impress the committee with your wanderlust. You’ve reblogged a lot of graphics on Tumblr using the word. It’s time to show of your vocabulary and your love of  travel! And hostels! (With showers and no creeps.)
• Mention how your friend Chelsea, who goes to Northwestern, totally hooked-up with a hot guy in Denmark. If Lizzie McGuire can find love while abroad, so can you! And you know that your boy toy will be looking for more than visa, unlike Chelsea’s.
• Going to another country will totally help your language skills. Even Australia. Tell the Committee how much local vernacular means to you. Learning some Australian slang will really look great when you write on your Abroad Blog! G’day mates!

Question Two: Specific Courses

• Human anatomy may not be an official course, but it’s definitely one that you’re planning on taking. Winky face.
• Street smarts. You’re totally going to be able to tell which small, French orphan is a pickpocket. You’re not going to be like all those other people who have a totally tragic pickpocketing story. You’ve even invested in a glittery pink fanny pack.
• As far as academic classes, the ones you actually show up to will probably be, like, interpretive dance. You know, to get that arts requirement out of the way (and to stay in shape after all those tapas)? But, like, you’re going to do a sociologically relevant interpretive dance class, so it totally goes with your major.

3. Preparation

• Mention that you found this company that will ship you Lou Malnati’s pizza across the globe. So much research went into that!

4. Aspects of Identity

• You should say that you think this question is a little weird, because you’re American. And everybody loves Americans, right? Right. (Or, if you’re an International Student, mention that you’re just really experienced at dealing with psychopathic Americans, and so you’re prepared for anything.)
• But, like, you understand that as a blonde, there’s a lot of stigma associated with that. But your wanderlust and will to leave this hill is so strong that you would be willing to dye your hair. You always thought you’d look good with chestnut brown, or maybe red. But not trashy red. Like, something kind of strawberry blonde? You’ll think about it.

Using these tips, you’re sure to be one of the 40-80 students asked to rewrite their application! Or one of the lucky 8 to get rejected! And isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Go forth and travel, Kenyon.