Things first years surprisingly haven’t figured out

Patience, young grasshoppers, you’ll know it all in due time.

The end of the first years’ first semester at college is quickly approaching. After this Friday, they can tell people that they’ve had some college. The little ones have certainly come a long way since their arrival to the magic mountain. They have dazzled their professors in Quest for Justice, and showed up to the majority of their Intro to Psychology lectures; they even memorized a few paintings for Survey of Art Part One. While from the beginning the Class of 2017 has proven to be a ballzy group of rascals, their confidence has expanded by leaps and bounds. Before they used to simply congregate outside the NCAs, now they actually make an attempt to come inside! Tip of the hat to you, my first-year compatriots.

Now for the bad news: y’all still don’t know a lot. Kenyon is a place shrouded in mystery and tradition, so it does take sometime to figure everything out. There are a lot of faces, places, and names that you still have never heard of, but it will all come with time, I’m 85% sure you’ll figure it out eventually.

Here are a few of the items, rules, common practices that the first-years seemingly haven’t figured out:

  • Doors. Some doors are made of glass, some are made of wood, some are heavy, some are light. Slide the ones on the 3rd floor of the library; stop trying to pull them. Unless you need to, don’t push the automatic door opener button for the front doors of Peirce. Because people (who don’t actually need it) push it all the time, the motor breaks and it takes everyone 15 minutes to get into Peirce on noon MWF.
  • Peirce Schedule. M-F: Extendo until 4:30 p.m. and dinner ends at 8:00 p.m. Saturday: Regular(ish) breakfast time, lunch 11:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m., dinner 5:00-7:00 p.m. Sunday: Brunch 10:30 – 1:30, dinner 5:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. Find a more precise schedule clink here. (Thanks, anonymous commentator #1.)
  • Library, Olin is a place for you to study. I was most certainly one of those first years that didn’t go to the library. It’s ugly and full of stressed out upperclass students, who could snap at any moment. I, like many first years, studied in the comfort of my Norton double. Safer that way. Now I will admit that I have seen more first years as of late. There is actually a group of first years that are almost on third floor Chalmers as much as I am. My question is, Do you really have that much work? Whatever, good for you. 
  • The Science Quad Lounges.  They are wonderful places in Tomsich to study. Sorry science majors.
  • The Thrill. The truth is that no matter how many flyiers we don’t hand out and how many times we make fun of the first years, they still don’t read the Thrill. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to impress a cute first year at a party by saying that I run the Thrill, to have them respond with “What’s the Thrill?” How I am supposed to impress first years? [Ed. Note – The real question is why are you trying to impress first years in the first place?]

10 responses

  1. It’s not just the first years who haven’t figured out Peirce hours…

    The Senior who showed up and tried to get breakfast at 10 AM on a Sunday

  2. Pingback: Things Seniors surprisingly haven’t figured out | The Thrill

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