When we return home for Winter Break, we will be given glimpses of the new lives our parents have lead since us birds have flown the nest. To put it bluntly, we’re given closer glimpses of this/these new thing(s) our parents have replaced us with.
For the lucky ones among us, it was just a dog. If this has happened to you/your family, rejoice because:
A) You now get a dog that you get to enjoy all the perks of having, without the responsibilities and headaches.
Mom: “Can you walk the dog?”
You: “Oh no, I cant’! I’m flying back to college/I have studying to do for college/I don’t think it’d be healthy for the dog if we bonded because I’m going to be gone for college!”
B) It’s still just a dog, not another child (phew). You’re still #1 in their eyes, obviously*.
But, for the rest of us, it was other, less cuddly things. Here are three examples, because I feel like if I had more than three to give you, it would start to get a little bit depressing.
- They’ve replaced you by joining a choir. After landing and settling back in at home, I realized my parents had begun singing around the house a lot more. I chalked it up to them just being in such a good mood because I had come home, but when they started harmonizing with each other (with vibrato), it became clear: they had joined a choir. My suspicions were confirmed when I was brought to their concert the next day. It was chock-full of jazz hands, hip swaying, and really big smiles. I, Coral Lee, have been replaced with a choir. True story.
- They’ve replaced you…with another house. In another state. Sometimes you go “home” over Thanksgiving Break to a brand new house in Florida. Surpriiiiiiiise.
- They’ve replaced you with alcohol. This is a real-life Facebook chat I had with my good-friend-from-high-school’s-little-brother.
Me: hey what’s up?
My good-friend-from-high-school’s-little-brother: making an adult pasta dinner by myself cause my parents went to the bar
*If your parents really did adopt another kid, you have my permission to panic now. You’ve actually been totally replaced.
They replaced me with a 50 inch flat screen television…
Yeah, my replacement’s just HBO.
More like HiDef porn
LOTS OF NFL AND COLLEGE FOOTBALL ON TV
Mine got a theater membership and go out more than I do.
When I left for college, another girl moved in with my parents. She lived with them for like 5 months. I think she was the kid of one of their friends or something, and she had a job in our city. So yeah, I was actually replaced with a better, employed alternative.