We have all heard it. Usually it comes from a family friend in a sweater vest. “Ah,” he says, “Kenyon. So… How is Africa?” You and he both know that Kenyon is not near Africa. You live in Ohio. He’s seen your dad wearing the ‘Kenyon is not near Uganda’ shirt he bought when you were a prospective student. He has made that joke every time he’s seen you since you got the Thumbs Up envelope. It’s been years and you’re sick of this. But how to make it stop? How do you make sure that your friends/relatives/awkward high school acquaintances no longer make the perpetually unfunny  joke? Don’t worry. We have you covered.

“So how many Somali pirates are in your classes?”

• “My classes are entirely comprised of pirates. But how else are we supposed to watch indie films whilst in Gambier, Ohio? It’s not meant with ill-intent, only that Kill Your Darlings was not playing in Mount Vernon.”

“Kenyon College? More like Hakuna Matata College, amiright?”

• “Because The Lion King is representative of the entire experience of the African continent as a whole, right? Definitely. Next time at least make a reference to Heart of Darkness or Things Fall Apart. Kenyon is a literary school. Gawd.”

“How’s the wildlife on campus? Exotic? Maybe I’ll come visit and you can take me on a safari!”

• “The BFEC has some wonderful wildlife to observe like squirrels and frogs, but you’ll be a bit disappointed if you’re looking for anything larger than the Thrill editorial staff’s collective ego.”

“KENYON? ISN’T THAT NEAR UGANDA?”

• “Yes, it’s about the same distance as you are from my intellectual level.”