Things Seniors Surprisingly Haven’t Figured Out


Seriously though.

On Friday, we will officially have one semester left in college. We are at threat level midnight right now and I could not be more terrified. How the hell am I supposed to find a job when I can’t even say that I’ve fully figured out Kenyon yet? I’ve got a semester left, and while yes I have learned a lot, I still don’t know a surprising amount. I can’t do my taxes. I don’t know which of my shirts need to be washed in cold water (I have five shrunken sweaters to prove that one). Above all, after four years I’m not sure I even know what justice is even though I’ve been questing for it pretty much my entire time here.

Good news is, we are way way ahead of the first years. Those kids don’t know anything about anything (even though they are the future of Kenyon and we are just humble Seniors who remember when Papa John’s could deliver to your door). It’s time we really widened the gap and wised up on a couple of things.

Here are a few of the items, rules, common practices that even the Seniors still haven’t figured out yet:

  • Peirce Cups. Honestly though. I’m real happy for you, you got an apartment. You get to entertain people in a private space (honestly I am jealous). With any great party comes the need for fancy glassware for your fancy wine. But we don’t have fancy wine, we have Franzia, so you feel it’s necessary to steal 10-20 cups from Peirce (that is no exaggeration). Don’t do that. Those cups are for everyone. I can’t get enough pink lemonade into a paper cup.
  • The VI. I’ve seen a lot of you at the VI, the classier version of the Cove. If you really want to feel like you are at a nice bar though, treat the bartenders nicely! I can’t tell you how many terrible tips I’ve seen at the bar or how many people approach the bar without already knowing what they want. If you are opening a tab, have the card out. Keep it classy Seniors.
  • Being Jaded. Being generally jaded all the time is still not cool. I remember a conversation I had with a friend last year about the stages that you go through in college. First-years are generally clueless, Sophomores think they can do no wrong, Juniors are done with college and Seniors are nostalgic. It’s OK to love Kenyon or hate Kenyon, but don’t make that the most interesting thing you have to talk about.
  • Mapping Printers.  Still haven’t figured out how to do this. I’ve tried to. I just can’t for the life of me do it. Figure it out for yourselves if you can.
  • The Thrill. It’s for alumni too!

3 responses

  1. Buffalo Wild Wings. Good beer, cheap wings, and they handle large groups better than any place in town. I’m just saying, it’s worth a stop in.

  2. Pingback: Winter Break Sign Off: It’s been real | The Thrill

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