Finals got you down? Grades not looking so good? Stop worrying! Life is still full of potential. Just look back at everything that you wanted to do as a kid and know that there’s still time.
- Be a clown. Just in time to not finish your finals, you can get your online degree in clowning. It’s a cheaper alternative to liberal arts school and may have better job prospects.
- Create a masterpiece. As an undeclared art history minor, I think I have the authority to tell you that it doesn’t always take skill to make significant piece of art.
- Meet the love of your life. Prospects looking bad at Kenyon? Maybe they’ll be better at Clown School. Or in the real world. Or, if not, there are a lot of Bearded Collies who want to love you unconditionally and loyally.
- Have a jam session with Bill Clinton. As I write this, he’s still alive. Since you’re reading this, you’re probably still alive. Just make sure that you invite me.
Bonus: Childhood dreams that have died:
- Getting Social Security Benefits.
- Co-starring with Amanda Bynes in a buddy cop comedy.
- The Jonas Brothers lasting forever (or at least until the year 3000).