The most important New Years’ Resolution for Kenyon: Return the Peirce cups. Some of you have intentionally and shamelessly hoarded Peirce cups over the semester–or perhaps, for some of you, fifteen cups just magically appeared in your NCA. Regardless of your cup-situation, now that the semester is over and Peirce is reaching crisis mode with its cup supply, it is time to give back the cups. But how do you give back your cups without the shame?
1) Bring your cups to the KAC and leave them in the Peirce basket. This is a win-win situation. You can workout and take care of your cup-situation. Warning: If you have more than twenty, try to stagger how many cups you bring at a time. A tower of Peirce cups might make the athletes nervous.
2) Stash two cups in your backpack and nonchalantly drop them off at Peirce. Two cups doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Try whistling as you do this to make it seem casual. Also if you have more than two cups you can wait ten minutes between trips. Warning: Depending on how many cups you have, this could be time consuming, so try to map out your time wisely.
3) Break into Peirce at night. Although this probably won’t be helpful to AVI workers, if you really are desperate you could always drop your cups off by the dish line after hours. (Warning: Don’t actually try this because a huge stack of Peirce cups is not the best present to give an AVI worker.)
4) Bribe your friends. Gather some of your friends and promise them anything. Cove. Money. Chocolate from the Bookstore. Whatever works. Gather your forces at Peirce and have your friends go through the dish line one by one. This will work well especially if you have a large amount of cups, the more people the merrier. Perhaps you could all start singing in a congo line to make the time go by. There’s no shame in numbers.
5) Grow up and get it over with. By this time everyone just wants Peirce cups to be back at Peirce. Even if you have 40 cups (or more?) bring them to the cup carts. We don’t care how many cups you stored away over the semester, we just want to drink our fountain drinks in clear, plastic peace. If you don’t admit to the shame of your situation, it can’t exist.
Now that it’s winter break time, you don’t have an excuse. Figure it out. When I get back to Peirce in January, I don’t expect to see any paper cups except by the coffee machines. Let’s start 2014 on the right cup.