DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
DOES ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WEAR GLASSES?
HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERED SOMEONE WEARING GLASSES? DID YOU FIND THAT PERSON ATTRACTIVE? PROBABLY. BECAUSE THEY USUALLY ARE.
If any of these applied to you, then we have an important safety announcement for you.
THIS IS GLASSES FOGGING SEASON.
Walking into Gund Gallery? Foggy glasses.
Trying to get it on in Old K? Foggy glasses.
Sipping a delicious, warm beverage? Your glasses will be foggy.
Symptoms of fog-ridden glasses include:
- Glasses covered in fog
- Being late to everything
- Taking off one’s glasses and stumbling, cursing and crying some more
- Possibly death*
If you or one of your friends has glasses, take notes of these possible cures:
- Refusing to go outside
- Stumbling around blindly without glasses for the remainder of winter
- Hovering above the crowd at a party in order to avoid the sweating, grinding masses
Please note that all cures are works in progress. The phenomenon of glasses fogging has been documented since the invention of eyewear in 1286. These phenomenon can also occur for monocle-wearers, but the effects are only half as strong.
*Probably not death