More Than a Number: A Struggle With Identity

This post has been authored anonymously as the first in a series of Thrill narratives about sex and sexuality.

Identity word

“You mean, like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City?”

That’s what my friend said when I told her I was writing this.

I’m a 2 on the Kinsey Scale, meaning that I’m usually attracted women but sometimes attracted to men. At Kenyon (anywhere, really) this can be hard because when you date or hookup with someone, people will make assumptions about your sexuality. It’s not always wrong. Sometimes you just need to know if you’re even in the running. Labels like gay, straight and bisexual are convenient for a lot of us but are a long way from being fully inclusive.

Labels can be frustrating. As I’ve become comfortable with my sexuality not fitting neatly into a box I’ve tried to be more obvious when I’m attracted to members of the same sex, but as anyone who’s been in my position knows, this can be agonizing. You end up having to “out yourself” to people you wouldn’t otherwise want knowing your sexual orientation or let part of your sexuality fall by the wayside, hoping someone will eventually recognize it as something more than a single facet.

I don’t think anyone should have to out themselves or feel discomfort for wanting to explore their sexuality. Some people use student groups as a way of finding hookups, which is absolutely acceptable, but I don’t think that’s the only way to do it.

What (very limited) success I’ve had with same-sex encounters has happened on a person-to-person level. Obviously only spending time with someone will reveal whether or not they’re into you, though if you’re hanging out with one person in particular you obviously have some kind of relationship, even if it’s not exactly the one you want.

Flirting in ambiguous situations takes confidence. While it’s important to be aware of when your advances aren’t being returned, being comfortable enough to express your interest in someone does wonders to the odds that they’ll realize it. Obviously, you’re saying, but trust me it had to be said. This last bit goes for everyone.

One response

  1. Pingback: Reproduction by Budding: Asexuality at Kenyon | The Thrill

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