Hickey Etiquette

via wikihow.com

via wikihow.com

This post was written by John Foley ’15, a contributor to The Thrill.

For much of recorded history, a ferocious debate has raged around the art of concealing a hickey.

Conventional wisdom (which supported the invasion of Iraq, FYI) says that hickeys are unprofessional and unbecoming of adults. “Very common in high school,” says the internet.

Sure, hickeys can be fun in the heat of the moment when you lose yourself in the music at Selena Gomez’ birthday party, or “have a little too much fun” on Missy Elliot’s yacht  (I am speaking abstractly here; Missy had to sell her yacht). But at some point, the party ends. They become a huge nuisance when your boss or professor won’t stop giving you weird looks and uncomfortable winks!So, in the spirit of “professionalism” let’s look at some simple tips for the removal and subtle hiding of these pesky bruises. Amazingly, there is a huge wealth of information on the internet about the art of hickeys. From “whatisahickey.com” to wiki-how’s excellent, illustratedguide to removal, those curious have many places to turn.

The internet is very resourceful, but they seem to come down pretty hard on the side of hickey-shaming. Here’s what the dour worry-warts of the internet suggest:
  1. Hold a cold compress on your hickey. This suggestion is boring, but reasonable and probably effective.
  2. Brush your hickey with a toothbrush and toothpaste. This apparently helps circulate the blood in the skin. Ok-ay.
  3. “Scrape your skin with a coin.” This approach, according to the website, can be “extremely painful,” and if done too harshly, “can lead to bleeding.” This doesn’t seem to worry the nags at wiki-how too much, though, who point out that “a scrape is much less conspicuous than a hickey.” Thanks wiki-how, so wise.
On the other hand, you can choose to shirk off the conventions of polite society and embrace your hickey! This choice is a lot more fun. My suggestions
  1. Every time you get a new hickey, tattoo it! What better way to commemorate a special time? And if you’re pretty frisky, soon you’ll have a huge collection of hickey tattoos! This is especially fun because you will have a chronology. Extra points for “first hickey” and “last hickey” tattoos.
  2. Get a tattoo on your forehead that says “I just got a hickey!!” Extra points if any of those words are misspelled.

6 comments

  • is this supposed to be funny

  • I don’t know what it is with the Thrill these days ladies and gentlemen. Inside jokes with pictures of thrill members badly put onto other pictures. DIsgusting humor and poorly worded rants. pseudo-Social Justice Warriors complaining about campus non-issues. This past batch of freshman thrill writers has ushered in an age of just downright terible Buzzfeedish bullcrap and encourage the upperclassman thrill editors to act in a similar fashion.

  • Hi would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using?
    I’m looking to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having
    a difficult time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.

    The reason I ask is because your design seems
    different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely
    unique. P.S Sorry for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

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