February: First-Year Expectations and Survival Guide

February, it's easy as 1, 2, 3.

February, it’s easy as 1, 2, 3

Although we’ve been warned that February is a cold, heartless month at Kenyon, First Years still are not sure what to expect. Is February truly the Kristen Stewart month, or is it actually just a made up myth upperclassmen use to scare First Years? As we head into February, here are some hopes and expectations first-years have about February and ways to make it your month.

 I will find love this month. February is the last truly “cold” month, so why shouldn’t it be the month you finally find someone to snuggle next to for warmth? Also, since Valentine’s Day is on a Friday, obviously your one time hookup will overnight turn into Mr. Darcy and leave flowers on you door or turn into Becca from Pitch Perfect and tribute a song to you. Sadly, although there are more English majors at Kenyon and a capella singers are mighty fine-looking, nothing will really change from Halloween. I’m rooting for you though, single First-years. Go for that DFMO, you do you. 

 I will go to the KAC Let’s be honest, although you finally resolved to go to the KAC to shed off that winter padding you got from the hibernation of this past winter, the mere idea of willingly putting yourself on a icy deathtrap isn’t too tempting. If this is you, fellow first-year, then try yoga in your room. Or crunches. Or Zumba. Anything really, just make sure your roommate is down. Or on the other hand dark chocolate is apparently just as good as a vegetable so make yourself a dark chocolate salad and call it a night.

I’m totally immune to germs by now. Flu season is actually at its height right now, so those of you who think you are safe better pack an extra hand sanitizer in your coat. The Kenyon Crud is so present at Kenyon regardless of the season it should get an honorary degree, so beware who and what you’re touching. February would be especially terrible if you sounded like a cracked out grandma the entire month because you got strep throat from the Olin keyboards.

It’s just going to be terrible. First-years, besides the looming weather there isn’t much reason as to why February has to be so much worse than any other month such as October. There are only twenty-eight days in this month, and at the end of the tunnel is spring break. Keep your head high, your inhibitions as usual low, and you’re sure to survive. We only have three full more months as first-years, so we better drink up the Keystone and live it up while we still can use the “first-years” excuse. Good luck!

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One response

  1. Pingback: 10 o’clock list: Sexiest Patches of Ice on Campus | The Thrill

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