The New Allstu Sucks… But You Can Change That

stupid allstu

First of all, I’m sorry. I’m sorry to whoever came up with the new Allstu digest thing, whoever advocated for it, whoever implemented it. I’m sorry, but frankly, it sucks. It REALLY sucks. Don’t worry, though. For all of you who miss the old allstu, here’s how to make the best of it.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” my mother always says with a bad Southern accent painted onto her hackneyed words. We’ve heard it before, and should accept it to be true. There’s no way you can derive productivity from pointless meddling. Let me tell you, Kenyon, allstu was not “broke”. It did not need fixing. It has been pointlessly meddled with and now we are left with the shreds of a broken system hanging limp in our arms and single tears gliding down our cheeks.

Yes, my friends. We have potentially seen the end of the Age of Allstu. I remember my first semester here at Kenyon like it was last semester (because it was). My lay afternoons were spent perusing Kenyon Confessions, Tumblr, and allstu, laughing with my roommate across the room about the latest person who left their email open on their friend’s computer and had something like this happen.

best allstu ever

Sadly, it seems as if those days are over. Now we are left with a sad little digest, that just isn’t really cutting it for me, and the many people I’ve talked to. Call me a desperate nostalgic, a purist, what have you. I want my inundation of allstu messages just like before.

But, alas! Don’t cry just yet, kids. It’ll all be okay. Let me leave you with some crucial imagery courtesy of the Kenyon website.

  1. Go here to get to the “Kenyon allstu” Google group or whatever the hell it is.
  2. Click on the little dude with the gear.little gear dude
  3. Click “Membership and email settings”membr ship settiasflkj
  4. Use the handy dandy drop down to pick “Send me an email for every new message”send me an email for every new mesage

And there you have it. The allstu we know and love. If you have any shred of contempt for the tried and true allstu message flood, maybe you haven’t read The Thrill’s huge tips for making allstu even more rad. Embrace your allstu. Appreciate your allstu. How else would we be able to see pictures of poop filled condoms?

One response

  1. I love the new allstu, really helps reign in the people who feel obligated to “reply all” with their useless response.

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