We know you’ve always dreamed of being featured on a Thrill sex column — Remember to send all of your sexual questions, hopes, and dreams to thekenyonthrill@gmail.com or in the comments below, and we will work our hardest to get them answered for you.

Hey little chachis, have ya missed me? Just kidding, I’m sure that since I’ve gotten back you’ve read every word that I have written, talked to me extensively, and told me how much sexier I have gotten- and I truly, truly agree with you. I have gotten sexier. But you haven’t. Sorry. But I’m here to fix that. And I gotta swoop in before you guys give all your lovey and sexy questions to Lauren Toole on The Collegian. She seems great, though. You just gotta talk shit sometimes. [Ed. — Lauren, you rule. Please don’t sell our domain name to The Observer.]  

Here are some frequently asked sex questions, but I’ve been gone so uhhh we saved the best for me obvi.

My Sexual ‘Pardner and I have been exclusive for awhile. We both have been tested for STD’s but he wants us to stop using condoms. I take birth control, so we’re good right?

You sound like a smart cookie. Thought through all the steps, mapped it out. But like I used to tell the ladies’ puberty class I used to teach, “Sometimes you just wanna do what feels good.” I didn’t actually tell them that. Highly inappropriate. However that’s what it comes down to usually. But here are some things to remember. Even though you guys are going strong, having some good times, keep in mind that Oral Birth Cont®ol such as the pill is not 1 Trillion percent effective. And with our raucous lifestyle, it isn’t taken at the same time everyday usually. So condoms give ya that extra back up. (Also always remember that the pill does NOT protect you from STD’s.)

If this is something that you two discussed and have decided that is something you want to do, then go with your gut. But try and keep your taking of birth control regular, have a backup plan if something slips through the cracks (horrid phrasing, right?), call your mom every once in awhile, and when you start touching someone new, be cautious of STD’s.

The queer community here is pretty substantial as far as queer communities go, and I’m at a point in my life where hooking up with random ladies regularly is what I like and want to do so I’m having fun. But I feel super guilty afterwards because I worry that they are looking for something more like a relationship, so I make things awkward by ignoring people the next day. Do I stop hooking up with people this way? Do I move?

This is a super interesting question because it’s more about the moral compass that the world kinda helped you program than it is about actual sex, right? You’re smoochin’ and you’re smoochin’ hard. But that compass is spinning so goddamn fast because you wanna go West but then the world was like, “No North go North what the hell is wrong with you?” (North is a constant desire for monogamous relationships in the metaphor. This is getting abstract. Dropping it.)

I think you’ve got to think about it from a wider perspective. I mean, technically, we could view this as a moral quandary, but it isn’t. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You aren’t stringing anyone along. And the guilt doesn’t sound like it is coming from a secret, deep seated feeling that you actually are wrong. You just don’t wanna hurt people. You sound like a big ole’ nicey.

You’re young. And even if you weren’t, you still could do whatever you want. You’re allowed to not want something. Be honest, which it sounds like you halfway are on the way to being, which will make it so that people don’t really have an opportunity to get hurt. As long as you don’t hurt people and you’re upfront, then I think you’re a rockstar.