You have some explaining to do. (via kenyon.edu)

Oh my gosh, John Green was here!!! He did not forget to be awesome if you catch my drift. But there were things that he didn’t talk about. I mean, how could he have spoken about everything in such a short time? But there were definitely gaps that probably needed to be addressed.

1. How he feels about being Kenyon’s marketing campaign. I personally would prefer a viral Edwin M. Stanton campaign, but for him it must be rewarding to have his face go to every college junior’s mail box every three weeks. Right?
2. How a college student could afford to buy a bagel each morning. I can’t even really afford deodorant at this point. How am I supposed to buy a bagel each morning? Fess up, John Green. How was it that you were making that kind of cash?
3. The fact that my shoe was once in a vlogbrothers video. It’s the black shoe. Where’s the recognition I so richly deserve?
4. How much quirk a girl needs. I mean, I’m not a teenage girl, so John Green shouldn’t find a way inside me, but Valentine’s Day is coming up and I’m totally ready for a nerdy John Green-written hero to find that his life is worth living because I am so quirky and unconventionally beautiful.
5. How to build a table. I mean, I had ordered this table at IKEA, but he didn’t tell me how to build it, so now I’m sort of screwed. (Anyone want to buy it from me? Lemme know.)