Ask A First-Year Just Coming Back From Highlighter Party

Disclaimer — We blatantly stole this idea from The Onion. But then we made it Kenyon-relevant, so it’s fine.



Dear First Year Just Coming Back From Highlighter Party,I’ve become increasingly uncomfortable with the whole concept of cultural appropriation, specifically how I may be unknowingly stigmatizing and belittling an entire nation or era. I really want to know where the line is drawn. Obviously the whole Miley-twerking and Selena-Bindi things are complete no-nos, but what about when it’s not so black and white? Can I still wear shirts with specific prints? When does paying homage to a culture cross over into patronizing it?


Dear Confused,

GuuuuuAHHHHHHH. Jesus Christ it’s hot in there! Wait, where’s Sophie? SOPHIE? SOOOOOPHHIIIIIEEEEE? You shut the fuck up. I’m so fuckngsei drunk you guys. Where are we?

Dear First Year Just Coming Back From Highlighter Party,
After catching up on the most recent episodes of Girls, Marnie is really starting to worry me. While Hannah and even Shoshanna’s lives seem to be moving in a somewhat forward direction, Marnie’s has come to a complete halt. The bombed singing career? The binge-watching? Where does it end? And now Ray’s come into the picture. I really do think that this kind of honest, confrontational relationship could be good for her, but other times I just think she’s grasping at straws. I don’t know. Do you think she’ll be able to get herself back on her feet?
Befuddled In My Brownstone
Dear Befuddled In My Brownstone,
I. LOVE. COLLLLEEEEEEGGGEEEE. No no no no no no no. Just listen to me–fuck! There’s a rock there. Shit. LISTEN TO ME. I just have a really good feeling about this year. And I was like, worried before because things had been so awkward at the bonfire and at the social. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! C’mere. C’mrerekeaeAHAHAHAHA. This is Rachel. We met at pre-ooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOooooooooo. Rachel Rachel Rachel Rachel. Show them what you can do with your thumb.
Dear First Year Just Coming Back From Highlighter Party,
I’m really struggling with the decision about whether or not to go abroad. I know this subject has been exhausted, but I just can’t seem to find another experience that I could relate with. If I don’t go abroad, I could potentially be missing out on the only time in my life I have the time and/or funds to travel, but if I do, I could be throwing myself into an experience that ends up detracting from my time at Kenyon. I think Study Abroad is a good thing when it compounds well with your major, but if I can’t find something that works for me, is it worth pursuing?
Abroad in the ‘Bier
Dear Abroad in the ‘Bier,
But actually, where are we? FUCK. Guys my key isn’t on my lanyard. Ohhhhhhh my God. Guys shut up stop talking. I lost my key. We have to go back. No that’s my post office one. Look like normally it wouldn’t be a big deal but I know my roommate locked the door behind her because she thinks someone took her Nutella. But IT WAS ME. SH. Shhhhh. Sh sh sh shhhhhhh. Wait, SOPHIE?

5 responses

  1. Pingback: Phling Nostalgia: The Class of ’14 Looks Back | The Thrill

  2. Pingback: How To Have A Quintessential Highlighter Party | The Thrill

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