The Dumbest Thing I Ever Did: Rolling Tires into Traffic

When my sister and I were kids, we were really creative. (Ha and still are obvi, look at this shit.) And I’m sure you’re thinking, “Umm I was a kid once and I was creative too,” but shut up, because my sister and I were the most creative. Period. We got construction paper as gifts and didn’t waste our time drawing princesses. We built castles and airplanes and schools and villages. We also live in a place where Huck Finny childhoods were achievable, so we usually were outside searching for things to entertain us- birds that needed to be rescued, dead animals that needed burials, or tools, such as rusted saws or hatchets. Oh my god how are you not freaking out right now, we were so goddamn cool

On the most memorable scavenging day, my cousin was visiting, and we found two giant tires that were perfect for the fort we were building. The problem is that I live on a big hill with the main highway at the base. Prime fort building real estate was in the forest near the middle of this hill, and these awesome beautiful tires with dead stuff in them were closer to the top.

The three of us, two five year olds and a seven year old, rolled the tires to an area directly above the tree lining into our fort. I was told to go stand in the fort and catch the tire, as they were going to roll it down the hill. And I was the youngest, even if only by a couple of months so it made sense for me to catch the large truck tires.

I’m standing in our fort and the tire comes rolling towards me down this steep hill, and it’s rolling really fast and I’m watching it successfully break branches that I’ve tried to break before unsuccessfully, so I jump out of the way. The tire then continues to roll and roll until it hits the highway. Drivers slam on their brakes and horns are honking, traffic is stalled, and people are getting out of their cars to figure out what has happened, when three little girls run into the highway to grab their tire to roll back across the highway.

The best part is that after I was scolded by my sister for being a scaredy cat, we hiked back up the hill and I was told to stand in the fort to catch the second tire. But this time, my cousin would make sure I didn’t jump out of the way. (Not help me catch the tire. Watch me so I didn’t jump out of the way like a loser.) So my cousin Melanie is standing next to me and says, “Maureen, catch the tire this time.” OH, RIGHT MELANIE, SORRY, MISUNDERSTOOD BEFORE. OH AND HEY, THANKS FOR VISITING AND CRITICIZING BY THE WAY, THIS FUCKING ROCKS.

So the tire is rolled, again, and I jump out of the way, again, and I distinctly remember saying to Melanie, “See it’s going too fast! I would have gotten hurt!” But she didn’t care. And again, cars nearly miss collision, and three girls run across a four lane highway to retrieve their tire.

To this day, I still have no idea why none of the lives we endangered said something like, “Hey tiny children, don’t roll things onto major highways, okay?”

2 responses

  1. Maureen, will you be my Valentine? I think I’m in love with you and I want you to tell me dumb stories ALL NIGHT LONGGGGGG

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