via Wikimedia Commons

Library grumps are some of the best Kenyon people I know, and I know a lot of Kenyon people. But who are the library grumps? What makes them tick? How is a library grump different from a Gund Commons giggler and how are both united by a shared hatred of study-space ignorant homework completers? In this list, I won’t answer any of those questions, but I will make sure you get up to speed on the various Kenyon study space populations. This way, when you have an interaction with a steely-eyed, Adderall popping Junior, you’ll know exactly where to flee afterward.

Note: this list is not intended to enumerate the existence of every single study spot on campus, only to characterize the students who study in the listed locations.

1. Gund Ballroom– First years. And people pulling serious all-nighters who live North. 
2. Lower Peirce– People pulling serious all-nighters who live South.
3. Library: Periodicals– Genius swimmers who are writing papers like mere mortals among us. Also, SJW ’14. Excluding the celebrities, mostly the Periodicals is a place for everyone to quietly type English essays and eat baby carrots.
4. Library: Third Floor Chalmers– The third floor is home to a diverse and incongruous group of students. Making up the majority of the population are obliviously chatty sophomore girls and Beta pledges who think that the glass  STUDY rooms are soundproof (Ed. We’re telling your pledge masters everything we heard).  Horn Gallery friends and family attempting to write while wearing headphones and socializing with their eyes are also on the scene.
5. Library: Second Floor Chalmers– The second floor of Chalmers is 90% basketball and Ultimate players–both Lords and Ladies (commenters, remind me what the frisbee teams are called?). Not to be ignored are the people using the desktops to run statistics programs for Economics, Sociology, and Psychology. Heart u SPSS.
6. Library: Third Floor Olin– People who are probably writing their honors projects. I don’t know.
7. Library: Second Floor Olin– The student population that works on the second floor of Olin includes every single person who does not feel included in the above descriptions of the populations of other library work spaces. Library clique outsiders study on the second floor of Olin.
8. The Science Quad- Both political science and actual science students work in the Squad. Competition for prime couch study space is intense. If you ask me, the Physics majors need the whiteboards more than the feverishly Aristotle enamored, but I guess the ancient Greeks also liked math?
9. At home- Only the very brave and the very focused can successfully work in their residence halls. This means that people who work from their sleep-space are either Phi Beta Kappa or the kids who avoid eye contact with their professor after arriving fifteen minutes late to morning Religion in its Global Context.
10. Wiggle Ground- Ugh.

Ed. If you’ve made it this far, please do yourself a favor and click on the Chalmers link.