We’ve all been there, after a long night of apple juice and mac ‘n’ cheese wedges from the Cove, the first thing you need is a nice relaxing shower. Over the course of five minutes to an hour, you slowly rouse yourself and stumble your bleary way into the bathroom. What’s this though? You appear to have stepped into an inch of stagnant liquid which context clues tell you might have once been water. What could be behind this horrible travesty? The Thrill hypothesized on this repellent riddle.
- Everyone’s black North Face/ Patagonia Jacket lost in Old Kenyon. Seriously, that place is like that Bermuda Triangle of white suburbia’s clothing. What with their moisture wicking technology and thick thermal linings, these jackets are perfect for clogging up even the toughest drains.
- Phat Stacks of Cash. Of course we don’t know that’s what’s down there but don’t you owe it to yourself to check it out? The Thrill only asks for a small recommendation fee in return for our generous suggestion. C’mon guys, don’t let this opportunity slip by.
- The Nuge. Goddamn it Nuge. (Ed note: It’s probably connected to her underground tunnel.)
- The Basilisk. Yes indeedy, the terror of Hogwarts has decided on a new home to continue its malevolent dealings and we were unlucky enough to be put in its crosshairs. Thanks to a helpful hint from Hermione, The Thrill can safely assume that we have an unregistered resident on campus, taking advantage of the free food, Kokes, and indoor plumbing. While we may not have Gryffindor’s cool sword or the Boy Who Lived, we do however, have a warrior fit to assume the role and a correspondingly awesome weapon:
- But let’s be real: You know what’s down there you sicko, and it’s as unprintable as it is factual. Do what you gotta do boys and girls, just make sure we don’t suffer at the hands (hairs?) of your lack of motivation to clean up. Remember what the Boy Scouts say, “Leave no trace.”