Our Moms’ Confessions About Kenyon Confessions

He wants to do what with her butt? (via parentingpink.com)

He wants to do what with her butt? (via parentingpink.com)

We all have a lot of thoughts and feelings about Kenyon Confessions. But at the end of the day, we’re the ones submitting them, whether we admit to it or not. But how would those who raised us think of our school’s emotional outlet? The mothers of Thrill writers comment (anonymously, of course!) on their thoughts on Kenyon’s most notorious Facebook page.

  • “Kenyon Confessions seems to bring out the middle schooler in all of you. It’s easy to spot the kids who didn’t get picked for the kickball team in PE, the first kids with braces, you know, that kind of thing. When they get older, both the men and the women will grow a pair.”
  • “Mixed thoughts. Some were interesting confessions. Others seem like they were just trying to out do others in terms of sexual content and grossness.”
  • “I am not really sure it is a confession when you write about the two people having loud sex next to your room!”
  • “I have nothing against online communication like Kenyon Confessions as long as it isn’t hurting someone else (e.g. mean gossip about a student), and I am sure it is mindless pleasure to take a look at the commentary when you need a break from studying or are just hanging with your friends.
  • “Well, I mean, if you propose something like [anal sex] during a hookup, of course it’s going to be risky! You don’t know her! Perhaps in the context of a long-term, loving relationship, your wishes will come true.”
  • “I can’t believe you interrupted Breaking Bad to have me read this.”
  • “It’s not my cup of tea. The girl who rubs her snot on her roommate’s stuff? Gross. The guy who pees on toilet seats when he’s drunk? I didn’t need to know that. Please go to a counselor.”
  • “Oh geez will that hillful of infants please stop all the nauseating navel-gazing?”
  • “There’s a tremendous [number of confessions] about drinking, which is disturbing to me as a parent. Of course, I say that with a full martini glass in my hand. But the difference is, I won’t be making out with someone in a closet or peeing in the snow afterwards. I can promise you that.”
  • “Given that the environment is relatively anonymous, many of the posts are touchingly sweet and positive toward others, or frank and self-deprecating in a healthy, charming way. Kenyon Confessions tends to speak well of the sensibilities of the average Kenyon student.”

There you have it. Some moms love it, some moms hate it but all moms are mildly concerned for our safety and mental health. What does your mom say? Sound-off in the comments!

6 responses

  1. Fun party game: match the Thrill writer to their mom based on unique vocabulary and/or neuroses. Or maybe only I think that’d be fun…

  2. Pingback: Sh*t Sophomores Say: End of the Year | The Thrill

  3. Pingback: Sh*t Sophomores Say: End of the Year Edition | The Thrill

  4. Pingback: Q&A with Saxon Justice ’17, Inadvertent Kenyon Confessions Celebrity | The Thrill

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