10 o’clock list: Unexpected Theme Housing Applicants

beyonce nca

Did Beyoncé apply for theme housing?

The acceptance window for theme housing applications officially came to a close with the start of spring break. Those seeking to avoid the wrath of the housing lottery flocked to ResLife, bullshit in hand, rushing to submit their proposals before 4:30 p.m. While you may have heard about some of the more typical contenders, such as Outdoors House and French House, you probably haven’t heard about some of the more eccentric applicants. This may be because they don’t exist–but if they did, we would pull for them. Here’s a list of student groups that should not only exist, but would spice up the campus with theme housing.

  1. The Feral Cat House. Striving for excellence with a frisky state of mind, this group will not only facilitate informative cat massage lessons, but will also seek to raise awareness about feral cats through kitty cuisine, feline films, and knitting. Residents will forgo usage of typical bed arrangements in favor of sleeping in cat jungles.
  2. Students Achieving Stellar Scores in Yodeling (SASSY). Consistent with their assertion that a capella groups dominate campus opportunities for vocalists, this student group is seeking housing in hopes of gaining space for a practice studio. An underdog in the application pool, this group has been cited continually for disturbing the PEAs. Insisting upon the group’s legitimacy, members say they plan to hold introductory yodeling classes, Yodel-ay-she/he-who?–a newly developed trivia game and finally, a fall concert series complete with mountain goats.
  3. The Campaign for Happier North Campus Architecture. Visually and emotionally offended by the atrocities that are McBride, Mather, and Caples, in addition to the sterility of the NCAs, this group unites students seeking to facilitate the optical well-being of the community. Protesting with paint, windows, and non-fluorescent lighting, the radical nature of this group makes its chances for theme housing unlikely.
  4. The Beyoncé House of Worship. Finding space in this house was extremely competitive and achieved by few–mostly single ladies. The group says that its primary project is the insertion of “Run the World” into the collection of First Year Sing songs in addition to a music video that would chronicle the event.
  5. The Future Pirates of America House. Otherwise known as the kampus kleptos, the group is seeking a place to keep their large quantity of stolen Peirce cups. Projected events include: turning a boat into a land-worthy get away car 101, and a scavenger hunt to find the former sailing team’s missing boats.

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