10 o’clock list: Research Papers You Write in College that Annoy Your High School-Aged Sister

Going home for break is mostly an exercise in figuring out how to complain about your homework without actively alienating your entire family. Like, you want to moan about the books and papers you need to take care of, but, also, will your grandparents freak out if they know you’re spending 14 hours a week learning about reggae music and mystical Judaism? When the spines of 2/3 of your break books read “The History of Sexuality”, the family room can turn into a family conflict room in an instant. But, clueless olds aside, it’s the high school-aged siblings you really need to be concerned about. If you let your little sister find out that you’re writing your final research paper on the Clique series, she may throw a temper tantrum, declare life to be totally unfair and announce she’s dropping out of high school. To avoid the hysterics, remind her that she needs to graduate high school before she can have fun in college — and never, ever show her this list.  Below, a list of real paper topics dreamt up by real Kenyon students.

  1. Parallels Between Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and Chaucer’s “A Pardoner’s Tale”- This paper is the summation of “going to Kenyon” in the minds of all high schoolers.
  2. Street Art in Barcelona– Especially high school-envy-rage inducing because of the on-site research it requires.
  3. Menstruation, Religion and Carrie- The best part about this paper topic is that it makes your high school aged sister both deeply uncomfortable and deeply jealous.
  4. African-American Art in Kanye West’s “Bound 2” Music Video- I mean, come on, you know your sister is dying to turn in her personal Tumblr essay on Kanye for Social Studies credit.
  5. Theories of Tourism in The Sims 3 World Adventures- What your sister doesn’t realize is that the amount of dense theoretical reading required to dissect tourism in The Sims takes more than three Sims weeks to complete.
  6. Any Lab for Beer Lab- That is all.

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