Kenyon Pseudoscience: Why Do Peirce Cups Stick Together?

Dear God

Dear God.

Hydrogen bonds, magnetism, Krazy Glue… just a few of the most powerful adhesive forces known to modern science.  And yet they all pale in comparison to the dark magic keeping the cups in Peirce stubbornly fused together.  Veterans of The Hill know that attempting to disentangle such a pairing is often impossible, and that the best option is to find a lone individual.  So what is this mysterious force holding our cups hostage?

The answer can be summed up in one word: love.  It may be hard to believe, but after painstakingly pouring over decades of data, a team of the world’s preeminent scientists have found that the same cups would always stick together; forming the perfect embodiment of matrimonial bliss.  Unwilling to ever be separated, these brainless, nerveless objects have nevertheless found a way to harness the greatest power on earth, the union between two devoted individuals.  Like swans and monkeys, these cups have earned a place on the list of organisms which mate for life. This discovery has shaken the science community to its core and the researchers are already drafting a proposal to move Peirce cups to a nature preserve where they can freely live their lives in harmony, free from students’ interference. “I hope we humans can take a page out of their book,” says lead scientist Isaac Newton, “if we could love with even a fraction of their devotion, the world would be at peace and the energy crisis would be over with tomorrow.”

3 responses

  1. hypothesis

    cups are washed with very hot water –> hot air gets trapped between washed cups when they are stacked –> cups are cruelly snatched from their cozy washing environment and removed to cold lonely servery –> trapped hot air cools down and contracts bc science –> sucks cups closer together

    but feelings are also nice

    i can only hope to find my soul mate one day as the peirce cups have found theirs

  2. Pingback: Kenyon Mythbusters: Can You Get Mono From Peirce Cups? | The Thrill

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