Tips On Not Getting An Internship

lol @ internships

Summer is fast approaching, and nobody will shut up about internships. Yes, they are important and all that jazz, but come on. You know all you want to do is spend the summer poolside and/or on your couch watching Netflix. When your parents come asking about your progress in applying for your unpaid internship, here are some tips to rendering your application useless while still feigning interest and progress.

Post scandalous party pictures publicly on Facebook to really make a bad impression. The more illegal the substance and more gratuitous the picture is, the better. But you didn’t hear that from me. Stay safe, kids.

A more direct strategy would be to bomb your interview. No one has to know that you changed out of your snazzy interview garb and into a banana costume, then proceeded to bust down the interviewer’s door singing “Call Me Maybe” in Esperanto as you chain all of their paperclips together into a necklace that you then place around their neck. Unless the interviewer is a friend of your parents, then be a bit more subtle by avoiding eye contact or perhaps sneezing on them.

When all else fails, bolster your criminal record. Rack up a nice collection of misdemeanor charges. Steer clear of felonies unless you’re in this for the long haul. Grab some spray paint and vandalize your nearest public building in plain sight of authorities. Trespass on a couple properties in broad daylight. These will be somewhat of a challenge to hide, but there’s no reason the police would contact your parents. Stay out of jail and keep your court dates a secret and you’re all set.

*If you try any of these and get in trouble with your parents or the law, please don’t tell them we gave you the idea

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