Kenyon Krafts: Ways to be Clean Without Actually Showering

You all are a godsend to a stinky lil nugget like me. (via Wikimedia Commons and grime-scrubbers.com)

You all are a godsend to a stinky lil nugget like me. (via Wikimedia Commons)

Do you ever catch a whiff of your own stench after an Old Kenyon party and think to yourself, “Wow, I’m the most disgusting human I’ve ever encountered”? Are you often so busy that you simply cannot spare the twenty-odd minutes it takes to have a beautiful, satisfying self-cleansing experience? Do you eschew mainstream society and instead seek “natural” alternatives to chemically-based products? If you answered “heck to the yeah” in response to any of these questions, then this is definitely the post for you! Courtesy of a bunch of  DIY articles I kind of skimmed, here are some quick ‘n’ easy ways to make your body appear clean:

Baking Soda and Cornstarch Shampoo

  • Make a mixture comprised of one part baking soda and six parts cornstarch
  • Sprinkle  mixture onto hair
  • Brush through
  • Ask your driver to roll up that partition because damn, you’re lookin’ fly as Beyoncé

If you want your underarm smellscape to be a little more appealing, try using the mixture as deodorant by mixing in a little bit of water.

Lemon Juice Beauty Routine

  • Grab a lemon from the market
  • Use your bare hands to squeeze the living bejeezus out of it
  • Rub the resulting juice onto your hair after using your lovely homemade shampoo
  • Have your friends take photos of your beautiful mane glistening in the sun

Guess what? Lemon juice is also a great natural deodorant! Shove a half a lemon under your arms, look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful. Just don’t do this immediately after shaving. Ouch.

Vanilla Extract Perfume

  • Pick up some vanilla extract from that big ol’ spice rack at the market
  • Put a tiny drop on each of your pulse points
  • Rejoice in the fact that you’ve successfully hidden your inner grossness

There you have it! Three do-it-yourself cures for odor and greasiness. If you’re way too lazy to try any of these, take a Dwyer shower. Or just become comfortable with your own stench. Your choice.

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