10 o’clock list: Could It Be Worse? Alternate Paving Materials for Middle Path

Not as fun as it looks. Via Wikimedia commons and Kenyon.edu

Not as fun as it looks.
Via Wikimedia commons and Kenyon.edu

I’m going to be real with you: as lovely and scenic as it is, Middle Path doesn’t completely do it for me. I have no objections to its central location or associated seasonal foliage, but the gravel leaves a few things to be desired, particularly the desires for a paving surface that does not become an icy deathtrap in the winter, or an unnavigable muddy quagmire in rain, or that doesn’t ruin every pair of shoes I own. I did my best to analyze my biases and see it from the other side. Here is a list of Middle Path paving materials that could be worse:

  1. Ball Pit – I know it sounds like fun, but if Middle Path were a giant ball pit, I can promise you the novelty would wear off quickly. Within two weeks, this epitome of quirky cool amusement, the Middle Ball Path Pit, would lose every bit of enjoyment as we tripped and stumbled our way to class, already late. Giving in to the pit, we would finally allow ourselves to fall, relaxing for a moment only to realize that absolutely no one had been washing these balls.
  2. Living Carpet of Ants – A constant swarm of ants, equal in weight to the entire student body, would definitely be an inferior paving substance to gravel. You would feel the persistent tickle of the ants crawling into your socks and into your pockets. Your backpack would be just so perceptibly heavier. From the ants in it.
  3. Quicksand – The trick about quicksand is not to struggle, because it makes you sink faster. Rather, you should spread out and float, maximizing your surface area. Honestly, I’m very proud of that knowledge nugget, and have always wanted to try it out, but the situation has never presented itself. Also we would never make it to class. And we would lose 50% or more of visiting prospies, easily.
  4. Lava – We all know how dangerous things can get when the floor is lava, but imagine all of Middle Path. Even best case scenario, the temperature would be around 700˚ Celsius, which would totally scorch all of our pretty trees, and any and all other living things. Ouch!
  5. Juice Tank – Entertain for a moment, this: Middle Path replaced entirely with a one and a half foot deep tank of high sugar juice. Too shallow to swim in, we slog through the juice. Slow, sticky, stained. Spoilt.

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