Overheard at Kenyon: “It’s only one step from Gollum to Gandhi”


Horny Junior: “I would totally have sex with Simba, but I would marry Mufasa.”

Tasteful First-Year: “No no no–I can tell he’s cool because he wears hoodies under his blazers.”

Gold-less Digger: “She needs to stop complaining about all of the beautiful people she hooks up with. It’s the equivalent of being like, ‘Oh, I have too much gold.”

Surprised English Major: “The brain is a muscle”

  • Friend: “It needs to work out.”
  • Surprised English Major: “Or peacefully and blissfully atrophy.”

Girl Who Knows Her Priorities: “If there is one thing I care about, it’s taking the elevator.”

Oblivious Sophomore: “Why is it that there are sorcerers and sorceresses, but there are witches and no…”

  • Wise Senior: “Wizards?”

Junior Having A Hard Time: “I’m gonna need some Veronica Mars fan fiction to get through this.”

Intuitive Individual: “I have a natural sense for vibe.”

Not-Super-Gay Guy: “In the 80s I think I would’ve been more gay.”

  • Not-Super-Attractive Girl: “In the 80s I think I would’ve been more attractive.”

Concerned Friend: “Is this you as a baby? Why do you look like that?”

Frustrated Stoner: “Everything is stupid and hard, and I just want to smoke weed all the time.”

Cove Regular: “I hate the song Closing Time.”

  • Friend: “What?”
  • Cove Regular: “It makes me so sad.”
  • Friend: “Cause the bar is closing?”
  • Cove Regular: “Yeah!”
  • Friend: “Not because it’s a terrible song?”

Spanish Area Studies Major: “He’s, like, perfect. But it makes me really angry that he doesn’t speak Spanish.”

Plato: “It’s only one step from Gollum to Gandhi.”

Hairstyle Connoisseur: “Oh, interesting. She middle parts. No one’s done that since 2002.”

Thrill Staffer: “We must lay out the week sober. That is the one requirement of this staff.”


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