The lottery numbers came in. Perhaps you were lucky and got fifth in your class, or perhaps you were that unlucky 1108 number. Regardless, the upcoming Housing Lottery on Saturday looks more and more frightening now, especially if you haven’t picked a roommate yet. Set your fears aside, here are some ways you can secure a perfect roommate and room.
1) Utilize Peirce. At the servery, smile and ask every student you recognize what his or her lottery number is. This may seem extreme, but your enthusiasm will surely earn you a roommate immediately.
2) Post a witty Facebook status. Use humor and charm to show your easygoing attitude and adorable personality. If you can, make promises of cleanliness and free food. Surely within minutes you’ll receive hoards of messages, and then you can have pickings of a perfect roommate.
3) Exaggerated Lottery Number. Ask all your friends what their numbers are, and then make a vague comment about yours, “I’m like the sixtieth in the gender of our class of our school so I’m basically first and will definitely get us that double in Farr. And if not Mather isn’t that bad really so it’s like whatever.”
4) Middle Path. Sit on a bench on Middle Path with a sign saying, “Help. Need roommate. Preferably with high number, but will take anything. Can promise hugs and chocolate.” If it works for puppies, it should work for you.
5) Option Room. If all else fails, use your number to get a double and use option housing. You may not know your roommate, but at least there will be another human in your room. If you end up with a single, at least singles have no rules.
May the odds be ever in your favor.
smile at your parents :) smile at the rom-mate :) watch urself be inserted into the drive :) boot ur program :) eventually u r obsolete :( xxx