Will You Still Love Me If…? A Guide to Kenyon Etiquette

This post was co-authored by Editor-in-Chief Emma Specter ’15 and Editor Emeritus Spencer Kaye ’14.

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This could happen to you.

Will you still love me if I show up to your theatre production piss-drunk?

Emma’s Take: As long as I can keep myself contained, and not throw up within the confines of the Bolton Theater, I really think that I get more out of the show. Plus, a lot of “drunk adjectives” translate well to “theater performance adjectives” — i.e. “Oh my God, your performance was so terrifying/vivid/almost too real, I could barely keep it together.”

Spencer’s Take: Not necessarily, especially if you’re going to ask me what I thought of their performance. I agree though that if I can keep my shit together I should be fine. Things to watch out for though: being a sleepy drunk, clapping inappropriately and trying to whisper during the show that these kids need to stop being “so dramatic” and then laughing at your own joke. [Ed. from Emma — I would laugh at this joke sober.]

Will you still love me if I take a swig of your drink without informing you in advance that I might have a cold/the bug?

Emma’s Take: I already feel physically terrible all the time anyway. I sincerely doubt you’re going to make that worse. Go with God.

Spencer’s Take: It’s not okay. It’s never okay to do that. I think taking a swig of someone’s drink is equally as intimate as sex. I can do it, but nobody else can. Do as I say, not as I do.

Will you still love me if we forget to print out our Moodle readings and then ask you if we can share (because we totally left it in our room, bro)?

Emma’s Take: I don’t know any other way. Share with me, goddammit. This is America.

Spencer’s Take: I think it’s fine as long as I reciprocate once in a while, maybe with some highlighting, for the kid next to me that didn’t do it. Show them that you’re not a total deadbeat. Even though you probably are.

 

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