10 o’clock list: Substitute Pets


That’s one squishy Squish!

The end of the semester is approaching, which means you probably haven’t been back to the motherland in a while. What do you miss most? Family? Psh. No. PETS! If finals week has got your goat, and if your pet withdrawal has led you to thinking, Get meow-t of here! I’m ready for summer neigh-cation! No more kitten around! Act now! Here are some alternatives to your faraway furry friends (no pet rocks allowed). 

  1. Your roommate. If they haven’t quite gotten back into their summer shaving habits, they may be just as furry as your pets. Though negotiating cuddles and games of fetch may be a stretch, anything is possible during finals week. Another benefit? Rumor has it that squirt-bottle training is equally as effective with humans that frequently sexile their roommates as with pets. And hey, chances are, your roommate won’t pee on your things. Right? Maybe. Hopefully?
  2. Adopt a tree. While admittedly trees are on the wuzzier side of the fuzzy-wuzzy scale, they’re ideal for those looking for a hypoallergenic pet (unless, of course, you’re allergic to trees. Lame.) Trees are both loyal and reliable — they’ll always be in the same place and they can never run away from you! They’re often too large and too tree-like to be overwhelmed with your love. That is too cute. Sometimes they even come with a bonus — SQUIIIIIRRRREEEELLLLLSSSS.
  3. Get a “squish.” The latest boutique pet, this species is a hybrid of a squirrel and a fish. It’s like a teddy bear with scales! With beady little eyes and shimmering fins, this pet is sure to be both emotionally rewarding and the coolest thing your friends have ever seen. ResLife b like Yo that squish is stupid fresh. Awwww yeah.
  4. Think on your feet. Cut out small pictures of each of your pets and apply them to your toenails. They’ll always be with you, you can take them for a walk, and they’ll probably even begin to develop a wet dog odor! If you’re lucky, the hair on your toes will match the color of their fur. The smell of innovation is in the air (and in your shoes).
  5. Not satisfied? Ask your mom to live-blog your dog’s day. Ma, I haven’t gotten an update in two hours. Ma. Ma! Maaaa?? 

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