via plainfieldpubliclibrary.org

Mary has a paper due, paper due, paper due
Mary has a paper due whose topic sucked like hell
And no matter what poor Mary did, Mary did, Mary did
No matter what poor Mary did she could not give a damn
Til one day it was really due, really due, really due
Til one day it was really due and to Olin she ran
All the books were all checked out, all checked out, all checked out
Yes all the books were all checked out by seniors for their comps
So Mary tried to make it up, make it up, make it up
So Mary tried to make it up but she had not slept in days
Mary then began to cry, began to cry, began to cry
Poor Mary then began to cry and pray that she die soon
“Why did I put this off, put this off, put this off?
Why did I put this off? I feel like a buffoon.”
Then Mary got a miracle, miracle, miracle
Yes Mary got a miracle that was a misread date
The paper wasn’t due today, due today, due today
No the paper wasn’t due today, but rather by next week
So straight back home Mary went, Mary went, Mary went
Straight back home Mary went ’til she did it all again Sunday