(via kenyon.edu)

LOOK. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I’m preeettty pathetic, and I am at Wiggle Ground preeettty much always. As I write this, I’m on the couches inhaling one half of a sun dried tomato bagel with herb cream cheese, and as you read this, I’m probably eating the other. As far as Wiggle Ground culture goes, I’ve seen it all. And I think it’s time we lay down some ground rules.

It’s called Wiggle Ground. Just have to get that out of the way. An anonymous source has tipped me off that you here new kids don’t know what that is and instead refer to it as “Wiggin Street Coffee.” Gross. It pains me to link to this, but I will.

Choose the seat that’s right for you. And not in a spiritual sense, I mean in terms of the physical space you occupy as a sentient being. If you saunter in alone and take the first four-person-booth you see, you’re forcing the next group who walks in to cram themselves into a single (affectionately referred to as “nug booth”).

Compromise! If if this ^ happens to you–own it! Approach the group, offer to switch, and everyone’s happy (specifically ME and my MANY FRIENDS).

Don’t be a waste of space. This is a place for people to drink coffee, work, and cry furtively hoping y’all don’t see. It’s not a place for you to sleep or eat your Deli/VI/own hand. If you don’t got shit to do, get out, because I’m very busy and important.