It happened. The Kenyon Krud is all around us. The library is now a symphony of throaty coughs and exhausted sniffles. No, your crush across the classroom isn’t blushing in your direction…her cheeks are simply red from fever. The market is out of cold medication and I can’t remember what it feels like to fall asleep not blanketed in a haze of NyQuil. If you are like me and become the world’s biggest baby when you are sick (apologies to all my housemates), then you don’t want to leave your apartment/dorm room until the storm is gone and you no longer need a box of tissues to make it through the day. Here’s the good news, you don’t have to! Here are some ways to succeed without ever leaving the front door.
- Send some e-mails: E-mail all your professors saying you are very sickly and can’t make it to class because you don’t want to contaminate the other students.* You will seem like a true mensch. Now you are free to catch up on Parenthood or listen to every Radiolab podcast ever recorded.
- Pre-shop for sickness: This one involves a little forward thinking or some super nice friends. If you were smart, before you got sick you went to the market and bought up all of the microwaveable Campbell’s soup in a cup. If not, when one of your roommates comes home, bat your eyelashes and cough with gusto for a couple seconds and I am sure they will offer to pick you up some supplies. Campbell’s soup is perfect because it’s fast, comes in so many different flavors, and relieves all throat soreness. Peirce will soon feel like a distant memory.
- Catch up on some reading: If you are one of those type A people who get antsy staying in one room all day doing nothing, then here’s an easy fix. Catch up some work that you’ve been behind on. You will feel so productive and you will never have had to leave your house.
- Dad’s Taxi/On The Run: If you need something during this hibernation process that you couldn’t previously foresee then simply call one of these two delightful establishments. Everything you could possibly want (Ruby Tuesday’s, some gum, a sandwich) is only a phone call away!
- Catch up on some much needed communication: You know those friends that you love but that you don’t always have the energy to talk to you so you keep avoiding their phone calls? Now is the time to finally call them back! After all, you’ve been in your room for days, what else are you doing?
*Only do this if you are really sick. The Thrill does not condone faking illnesses to get out of class.
Dad’s Taxi is temporarily out of service (fyi)
Dad’s Taxi has it’s license suspended and its vehicle impounded.
Oh god what do I do now